July 2019
Teen LOVE can be really stupid. Prehistoric teen love is the worst. Here is how I see prehistoric teenage love. It stinks - literally. It causes smelly teenage girls to endlessly annoy innocent cave boys. My best friend, Ugga, invented it and then he broke it. His attempt to fix prehistoric teenage love caused the invention of monsters and caused a war. Only his fortuitous friendship with me saved the day. Oh, and I almost got eaten, like, a hundred times.
My name is Monte and my life began a long, long time ago. Cave days. My friend, Ugga, invented inventing and other amazing … and sometimes stupid stuff. When his love life with Stinky Stella hit the wall, he decided he had to take me on an idiotic journey into impossible and scary lands to find a relationship-saving gift. We got the gift. I should mention here that the adventure caused Ugga to be cursed and made us all sorts of big bad enemies. Which means we had to go on another journey putting even more of our pack of friends in danger. All for the sake of Ugga's love for the daughter of the local manure magnate. Time for me to save the day … AGAIN! I was a heck of a friend, wasn't I?
As I share my tales with you and my family, you will meet dinosaurs, mammoths, saber cats, and man-eating chicken flamingos. And those are the "normal" neighbors. Spice things up with giant spitting bats a secret society of warrior moles and a talent, giant rose bush that hands out dangerous love hugs and things interesting. As Tolkien reshaped your understanding of Middle Earth with the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, my tales will reshape your understanding of prehistory. These tales from my long distant childhood can be funny, sad and exhilarating. Bring a big ice cold soda pop and a huge bag of Cheetos. Once you begin, you won't want to put it down.