THE UGGA UNIVERSE
The realm of Pre-History is a mysterious place, to be sure. Scientists like to guess at stuff based on scant evidence. One thing we know for certain is that we don't know more than we know.
On the other hand I know more because I was there during the Ching Chang Pooty Potty Age. Say huh, you ask? When, Where, What, you ask?
Scientists don't appear to be aware of this relatively brief but amazing period. It was a period of experimentation, invention, discovery and inter-species social interaction at a level not seen before or since. In the Grand Canyon area of what today is the Southwest United States the unique geographic and climatic features, along with fortunate circumstances created a special place and time where creatures from the Proterozoic to the Cenozoic had not only survived but had evolved into a highly intelligent society.
It was there in the pre-petrified petrifiable forests that I met my share of dinosaurs and other creatures you would have a hard time finding today, like mammoths and saber toothed tigers. I also lived with many creatures that people of today still do not know existed, like the man eating chicken flamingo and the rolly poly pudden pudden. Bushes and trees were still not settled down and I often had to deal with marauding fauna. It was a wild time.
I also met Ugga there. He was my best friend and the greatest inventor in the history of the world. Archimedes, a student of Ugga's, told my friend this when he witnessed Ugga invent the time honored pull my finger trick. "Μακάρι να είχα το ταλέντο σας για την επινόηση. Θα είναι ιδιαίτερη. Και δεν εννοώ ειδικά όπως σας βόλτα το σύντομο άρμα." [I wish I had your talent for inventing. You are special. And I don't mean special like you ride the short chariot.]
My many adventures with Ugga have remained unspoken for so very long. Then, one Fall Saturday in 2004 I was walking across the campus of the University of Kansas with my nine year old son. We had just finished watching a KU football game with his cub scout pack. As we crossed the street in front of the Edna A Hill building he asked me the original question. “Why did they invent schools?” He, of course, was lamenting the fact that he would have to return to school on Monday. I, of course, had to choose between lying to my child with my answer, or confessing that I was there when compulsory education was foisted on the cave kids in my youth.
From that point to today over a decade has passed. I have related to my children and their friends dozens of stories about Ugga. Many while in the car. Some around the dinner table. Some around campfires and I remember telling one at a BBQ joint.
Be forewarned, readers. We were cave people living with T-Rexes and man eating shrubs. We were crude and irreverent, as my story relate. Read on if you wish to discover the incredible truths of the Ching Chang Pooty Potty age.