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THE UGGA GAZETTE

Toddler Trapped In Abandoned School

By Hooligan 1
A toddler named Ack found himself trapped in the norotious "Abandoned Schoolhouse" early this morning after he was attacked by the villainous Pteradactyl, Rancid.  Rancid attempted to abscond with the naked youth while he was performing his elimination dooties on the rear porch of the family hut.  A well timed stone, thrown by Ack's older brother, Ap, saved the young victim from being fed to Rancid's noisy and voracious nestlings.  Ack fell into the Abandoned Schoohouse.  
The schoolhouse has remained an obstacle in the middle of Main Street since it was constructed without doors or windows by The Ugga.  Apparently the schoolhouse has no roof.  This was not previously noticed because the schoolhouse consists entirely of a circle drawn in the dirt.
The family was unable to retrieve Ack and it was not until The Ugga invented "Tunneling" that Ack was freed.  Tunneling apparently takes place when several villagers eat into the dirt.  After enough dirt is consumed a hole appears int he ground.  Ingenious directional eating, coordinated by The Ugga, eventually created a hole that led into the schoolhouse, under the dirt circle.
"The Ug save day gin."  The village chieftain, Old Watermelon Spitter, was heard to say.
"Someone should do something about that schoolhouse."  Ap reportedly complained.  "Maybe a warning sign.  Or perhaps put a roof on it."
Along with Tunneling The Ugga invented "Severe Constipation".  Severe Constipation, apparently the result of consuming large quantities of roadway, is a condition where the Tunneler can not longer perform their elimination dooties.  
Severe Constipation was hailed by Runny Rod as a new and fabulous day in the world of cave people.  "Think of it.  No more poop.  We can save the world from all the pollution now."  Rod said.
Not everyone considered the newest invention as a positive.  Icky Igor, the local manure magnate, was livid at the prospect.  "This Severe Constipation thing will ruin me.  No more furniture business.  No more tableware buisiness.  No more scented pillows!"
Rancid is a reported member of the dreadful flying reptile gang known as they "Dactyls", who have been on a tear since Ravenous Wanda, the village soothsayer, predicted that their race would be renamed to Pteradon in the coming ages.