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CRITTERS: Chief Watermelon Spitter

Ugga
Monte
Stinky Stella
Old Mrs. Hag
Lilith
Mankiller
Pudden Pudden
Helena The Hieney Honey Of Huntman

 

Name: Ed Jo Jack

Locaton of Origin: Slime covered bog 

Hair: Metalic Brown             Eyes: Fake tan

Occupation: Politician, Slumlord and Used Wheel Salesman

Favorite Food: Lobster Bisque

Favorite Quote: "They don't call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing.'' —Ted Kennedy

 

 

Its not that we loved our beloved Chief, its just that the election process at the time was a bit sketchy, like it has been in  Chicago and Moscow for the past 100 years.  His  lecherous, drunken philandering would be a model for Kennedys and Clintons alike.  Of course “IS” is but a single syllable word, which means Chief Watermelon Spitter probably knew its definition.

The wife of our must illustrious leader this brave woman tolerated his watermelon habit and his attempted daliances with other caveladies and supported him unquestioningly through his many scandals.  It took enormous courage and a complete disregad for monumental hypocrisy for her to continuously enable the chief in his many unforgiveable vices just so that he could fleece the people to feed her lust for fame, fortune and power.  She was tragically afflicted with a signif cheese habit herself, which led not only to her name (her parents actually named her Hully Rubberjam) but a tremendous flatulance issue as well.