CRITTERS: Chief Watermelon Spitter
Name: Ed Jo Jack
Locaton of Origin: Slime covered bog
Hair: Metalic Brown Eyes: Fake tan
Occupation: Politician, Slumlord and Used Wheel Salesman
Favorite Food: Lobster Bisque
Favorite Quote: "They don't call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing.'' —Ted Kennedy
Its not that we loved our beloved Chief, its just that the election process at the time was a bit sketchy, like it has been in Chicago and Moscow for the past 100 years. His lecherous, drunken philandering would be a model for Kennedys and Clintons alike. Of course “IS” is but a single syllable word, which means Chief Watermelon Spitter probably knew its definition.
The wife of our must illustrious leader this brave woman tolerated his watermelon habit and his attempted daliances with other caveladies and supported him unquestioningly through his many scandals. It took enormous courage and a complete disregad for monumental hypocrisy for her to continuously enable the chief in his many unforgiveable vices just so that he could fleece the people to feed her lust for fame, fortune and power. She was tragically afflicted with a signif cheese habit herself, which led not only to her name (her parents actually named her Hully Rubberjam) but a tremendous flatulance issue as well.