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CRITTERS: Ugga

Monte
Stinky Stella
Old Mrs. Hag

 

Name: Ugga

Locaton of Origin: A Lost Island In The Med called REX

Hair: Maroon           Eyes: Sometimes Gold/Sometimes Emerald Green

Occupation: Inventor

Favorite Food: Steak Florentine at Buca Lapi

Favorite Quote: Psalms 162 : 1 "God Creates So Ugga Can Invent."

Chief Waternelon Spitter
Lilith
Mankiller
Pudden Pudden
Helena The Hieney Honey Of Huntman

As a youth Ugga invented inventing.  Don't be misled by the simplicity of that statement.  To invent the actual practice of invention when the practice of invention had not yet been invented required an incredibly special dude who was gifted with brains, creativity, slight of hand and most importantly, a complete disregard for the idea of reality.  I would like to state clearly and emphatically that Ugga was motivated to invent by the higher purpose of bettering society.  But if I stated that my mom would whip my butt because it would be a lie.  She is not a fan of lies.

 

Dont get me wrong.  Ugga did more for the world he lived in than anyone.  He also jacked with the world he lived in more than anyone.  Sometimes he invented because he had to, like when he created the world's first and thankfully only T-Rex pimple popping device.  He called it the "Pussinator" and he had to invent it because I managed to get stuck inside a giant pimple on the left butt cheek of Tirón de Asqueroso, a rather large and rude T-Rex who lived on the 'other' side of the tracks in our village.  No, I will not tell you, or anyone, how I managed to get stuck on the wrong side of that puss filled dino-blemish.  We've all been sworn to secrecy over that one.

 

Ugga sometimes invented because he needed money to fund larger inventions.  Like the time Ugga was determined to invent the upside down mountain.  That was a large project that he worked off and on at for years.  You can imagine how expensive inventing an upside down mountain can be.  So to raise the necessary funds Ugga invented ... money.  Come to think of it that was a pretty rewarding invention.  He was instantly the richest dude on the planet.  That was pretty cool.  Of course he was obligated to complete the invention of money by following through and creating greed, blackmail and dating - all dreadful side affects of money.  

 

What's that?  Why invent an upside down mountain?  I asked Ugga that in year three of the project.  He had goaded me into digging out the foundation of Big Bulbous Mountain. and I was getting a wee tired and grumpy.  "Why?"  I queried as I threatened him with my sharpened digging spoon.  "Why am I turning this mountain upside down?"  He said "Ugga."  Which of course in Ugga means "Do you remember when I invented the top.  You know, that cool wedgey thing that spun around and around and made everyone watch and laugh?  Well upside down, Big Bulbous Mountain will be the biggest top ever!  Think of the entertainment value?"  I couldn't argue with the logic.  And I kind of wanted to see the mountain spin.  Yes, we did complete the project, but that is a longer story for another time.

And of course Ugga invented just for the sake of inventing.  Like when he invented the "Butt Molder", which would mold and lacquer you butt into various shapes.  

 

The history of Ugga is the history of creating things, both useful and not so much.  Whats funny is that most of the time, you can't be sure which category the invention fits into until you get it done.  You have to put in the work, make the effort, to figure out if the effort was worthwhile.  More than anyone I know Ugga understands that you do what you gotta do and never stop, because you can always fail, but you will never succeed unless you try.